What is Virginity?
The dictionary defines virginity as ‘the state of never having had sexual intercourse; the state of being naive, innocent, or inexperienced in a particular context.’
Every single one of us is born in this state. For thousands of years, it has been agreed across most cultures that virginity equals purity, and therefore it is the ideal state to be in when uniting with ‘The One’ after the act of marriage. Traditionally, it is particularly expected that women are in a virginal state, as the man wants assurance that any babies that arrive are definitely his. From a Christian point of view, both the man and the woman should save themselves for their future respective husband or wife.
In recent years, it has become more and more pressured for young people to have sex. In certain countries it is even a cause for shame if a person as young as maybe 10, or even younger, is ‘still’ a virgin. Perhaps you have stumbled across this blog because you are considering having sex for the first time, and you want to ‘do your research’ first. Maybe you are under pressure to go ahead with having sex, and wondering what to do. You are very wise to do your research and make an informed choice.
Ultimately, what we are talking about here is the question of whether to have sex (for the first time) or not. Firstly, you are in charge of your own body and do not have to do anything you don’t want to or feel comfortable doing. Secondly, before you make any decisions, be wise and read this:
What does it matter?
The basic truth here is ‘what is your worth’? If you are worthless, then it makes no difference if you have sex or not: ‘ just another ‘thing’ to experience’ might be the way you see it… You may even think that having sex will increase your worth; or make you ‘better’ – more popular, more ‘grown-up’, more ‘attractive’. You need to know that you are far from worthless. In fact, it is quite the opposite: you are extremely precious. Furthermore, many, many people before you, with personal experience in this would agree that having sex does none of these things listed above for you. In fact, it can often leave you feeling empty and ‘used’ – completely the opposite of what God designed sex for.
Here are some facts you absolutely need to know:
- Once you have sex, you cannot ‘undo it’ – you cannot return to the state of being a virgin as soon as you penetrate or are penetrated (this means insert the penis);
- The act of sex was designed and created by God so we could procreate – for make babies. Simply put, if you have sex, you can create a baby i.e. this means ‘get pregnant’ if you are a girl or become a father if you are a boy.
- The act of sex can also give you sexually transmitted diseases (STIs), some of which can make you infertile (unable to have children) and others can kill you;
- Having sex with someone you are not in a close, trusting relationship with can cause emotional hurt, especially if they then shame you publicly;
- Sex can be over very quickly, and if it is done outside of love it can leave you feeling ‘cheap’, ‘dirty’ or ‘used’. Remember, once it’s gone – it is gone forever.
So, dear, precious Reader, I want you to know more than anything, that you are worth so much more than any of those words listed above. Just the fact that you are considering having sex before marriage tells me that you do not know how precious you are, or what a special gift your virginity is for you and your future partner to share in an intimate, loving relationship.
Mostly, I would like to suggest to you that you do not make any decisions you may regret, and that you spend some time receiving some very important truths (below) before you go another step along this path. Please reach out for some prayer from a trusted youth leader.
Here are some very important truths that you need to read and receive:
- You are a daughter or a son of the most high God. He made you in His image and has called you by name. He loves you with an everlasting love.
- Jesus died on the cross so you can be redeemed and washed as white as snow. No matter what you have done, you can start again right now. If you pray the prayer below, you can invite Jesus into your life.
- Once you have done this, your body is likened to a holy temple in the bible because you have the holy spirit living inside of you.
- God created you and He has a ‘good and perfect plan’ for your life. Trust Him to bring you your forever partner when the time is right. Once you are united in marriage before God, you can give to each other a gift that only you both can; your purity, to be shared in an act of love, intimacy, delight and adoration once you are united in marriage and become ‘one flesh’.
- If you have already had sex, please do not feel shame. Jesus can heal your mind, body and soul. It is never too late to be ‘washed as white as snow’ by God. Isaiah 1:17-19 NIV – Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend – Bible Gateway
Here is a prayer from the bible which King David prayed so he could repent and turn away from his sins:
Psalm 51: Psalm 51 NIV – Psalm 51 – For the director of music. A – Bible Gateway
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to Your unfailing love;
according to Your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against You, You only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in Your sight,
so that You are proved right when You speak
and justified when You judge.
Surely I have been a sinner from birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me…
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me and I will be whiter than snow…
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from Your presence
or take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.
Then will I teach transgressors Your ways,
and sinners will turn back to You.
FInal word:
Ultimately, you are in charge of your own life and your own body. No one should be putting pressure on you to do anything, especially if you don’t feel comfortable. It’s always wise to wait, reflect and not rush into anything.
The bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms 139:14 NIV – I praise you because I am fearfully and – Bible Gateway
Here is a prayer you can pray to help you:
Dear Lord Jesus,
Thank you for my body which you have given me and for your Holy Spirit which you have sent to live inside of me. I want to honour your by keeping my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit. Please give me a deep understanding of how precious and sacred my body is. I want to honour you, Lord, with every part of me. As you gave up every part of you so I could be free.
Thank you Jesus,
Amen.
